How to Set Good Boundaries

Sometimes we have to be “Parents” to ourselves and try to protect ourselves from people that are not good for our well-being.  You have to accept that there may be people in your life (people that you love) who knowingly (or unknowingly) have negative impact on your wellbeing; people that drain your energy.

As a “Parents” to yourself, understanding how to setup your personal boundaries is essential. Setting up boundaries is not good only for you but also for building and maintaining healthy relationships with others people in your life.

Establishing boundaries is essential for maintaining your good physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. It is a necessary step in looking after yourself and taking control of your life.

Nine strategies for setting your boundaries:

1. Identify Who Is Draining Your Energy

• First step is to determine the source of your energy drain. Explore and look at everyone around you, who is the toxic person? Who is your energy drainer?
• Completing number one ‘a’ above, helps you to see where and what boundaries should be set
• Going through this step makes you better informed. It will aid your decisions moving forward

2. Define the boundaries that are appropriate for you

• Everyone is different with different needs and outlook. In this phase, be true to yourself, and define what exactly your boundaries are
• Remember, you may have to set boundaries for different people
• Be honest, it may help to take the role of an “Observer”, looking in. Detach your emotions to enable you to look at things clearly and objectively
• All these will hopefully give you clarity on what your boundaries are

3. Communicate your boundaries

• Once you’ve identified the energy drainer, Communicate your boundaries clearly and directly
• Bear in mind that they may not take it lightly (especially for a toxic or manipulative person)
• Be firm and assertive on what your boundaries are
• Don’t fear using the word “NO” when you need to
• Don’t apologize or justify your decisions

4. Is it physical and emotional boundary?

• It may be necessary to establish physical distance. You can do this by:
• Limiting your contact with the person
• Creating physical space between you and them
• Setting boundaries around your emotional availability
• Don’t engage in negative or draining conversations

5. Learn the Power of Limits and Saying “No”

– It’s important to be clear on what the boundaries are

– Be clear on what you will tolerate and what you won’t tolerate

As said before, learning to say “no” is essential

6. Take Care of Your Energy & Wellbeing

This is essential to reinforce you and your resolve. You do this by:

• Meditating and getting good amounts of sleep
• Exercise regularly, including walking or jogging
• Eat well and quality foods
• Find your hobbies and relax with them. This is great because it means setting time aside for yourself
• Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude (see my articles on this or check out practices on YouTube)
• Learn Calming, Breathing exercises
• Use “Yoga Nidra” frequently for calmness and re-alignment
• Prioritizing your needs and wants

7. Get Support

• Do you have a supportive network of people to turn to? Utilize your network groups if you have such them. If not, explore doing so, either locally, or online
• How about friends and family members you can trust with your feelings and concerns? They will offer perspective, encouragement, and a shoulder to lean on

8. Remember There Are Also Professional Help Out There

– Don’t shy aware from this part of the healing. They are trained to help. You can also contact me.

• Seek professional therapist or counsellor
• If you struggle to set boundaries, these experts have the skills, tools, ideas and strategies to help you. They will also help if you already set the boundaries but need help to maintain them
• An added bonus is that an Expert will not only help with these but will also coach you in getting to any underlying issues you may have

9. Own Your Decision. Don’t Feel Guilty!:

You may feel guilty when setting boundaries and letting go of people who have been part of your life, however:

         –  You have the right to your own wellbeing, the right to take care of yourself

         –  And the right to have limits on your relationships

         –  You deserve your wellbeing and happiness